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Having chemistry in relationships and being compatible with someone are not always the same thing. We kind of assume we know what compatibility and chemistry mean and whether we have them or not. Instead, most dating advice focuses on the nuts and bolts of dating : what to say, when to say it, how to not look like an ass-face. A lot of people use the words loosely to try to define that thing which exists in the space between two people — the unspeakable and unseen connection or lack thereof.

Compatibility is the natural alignment of lifestyle choices and values of two people. A youth minister and a drug dealer are probably incompatible and I doubt many end up dating each other. If I value women who are intelligent and educated and I meet a high school dropout who is attracted to guys who have big muscles and like to hunt deer, then we have a fundamental incompatibility that will probably never be overcome and we will never date one another.