My First Time is a column and podcast series exploring sexuality, gender, and kink with the wide-eyed curiosity of a virgin. We all know your “first time” is about a lot more than just popping your cherry. From experimenting with kink to just trying something new and wild, everyone experiences thousands of first times in the bedroom—that’s how sex stays fun, right? This week, we’re talking to Amy Anderson about her experience of dating older men. I met my current partner seven years ago, when I was 21 and he was I definitely have a type with guys—much older, long hair, and beards.

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There is so much cougar hype that we now have a fake cougar and a real cougar. Cougar cruises are setting sail, cosmetic surgeons are promising to cougarize their clients and online cougar communities are cropping up. But behind the unleashing of cougars in pop culture is what a growing number of sociologists say is a real demographic shift, driven by new choices that women over 40 are making as they redefine the concept of a suitable mate. The reason is that as women have delayed marriage, men still have a tendency to date and marry younger women.

Caron, a professor of family relations and human sexuality at the University of Maine. Caron is an author of a study of couples in which the wife is at least 10 years older, which found surprisingly positive attitudes among the couples, although fear of stigma and insecurity about aging for the women, in particular, were common. The study, published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, reported that the couples thought their age difference mattered more to the outside world than to them, and that the men were more strongly drawn to the relationships at the start because of physical attraction.

Consistent with most other research and what many relationship experts are saying about these connections, the authors found that women liked the vitality the younger man brought into their lives, and men liked the maturity and confidence in the women, although generational differences sometimes made both partners uncomfortable. Others have also cited infidelity as a stronger possibility in any relationship with a large age difference. Proulx, the lead author of the study, who is a marriage and family therapist in Maine.

That study involved only eight couples, and the samples have generally been small in other research into a subject that has not until recently received much scholarly attention. An analysis of census data on age difference in marriages showed that the number of marriages between women who are at least 5 or 10 years older than their spouses is still small, 5. But both rates doubled between and , according to Andrew A. Beveridge, a demographer at Queens College, who conducted the analysis.